Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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