The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He has the fingertips of a God
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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