Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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