I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
