god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
