Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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