Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
