First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize