Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
