So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
