I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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