'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
