First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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