So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A+ Viking dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
