I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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