Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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