i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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