FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
