oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
