i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
