Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
