Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
