I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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