he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
