i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
