Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
