I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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