i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
