There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
