so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
