he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
