shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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