I don't usually arrange sex via text message
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
