i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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