clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just want nice things and good sex
My breasts were aching with rage.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
