all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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