Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
