Pants 0. Shit 1.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
