I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The best revenge is premature balding
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
