walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The ass gains better be worth it
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