The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
