no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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