You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
