She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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