ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
