The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
