he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
