Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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