I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
