Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize