Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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