So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
