it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
