were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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