omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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