We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
