She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
