I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
