The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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