I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I love you. Go after that dick
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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