My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
