I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We named our party play list daddy issues
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
