I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
