Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
