you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
