Can i not drive my cunt home
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
