the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize