ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it's like iHOP with fire
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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