I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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