Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
don't judge my taste in strippers
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
